O’ Dandelions

Outside Popeye’s, a pimped out Chicken Man held
a black or white? sign with his beak. From the take-out
window popped out Shaniqua with her pricing: “29.99
to feed me olives, 39.99 fo’ carrots, ‘n 149.99 fo’
Hasselhoff’s discarded gum.”

“Home, I’m honey,” announced Bret, placing his coat-
rack on the coat. At bedtime, she brought out her best
pees. When morning arrived, she cracked the kids’ heads
open into the pan, and Bret tightened his favorite tie
against her neck, strangling her.

At the company, they surprise him. They throw confetti ‘n
death certificates for a surprise deathday party. At recess,
he openned his present to find his boss with a Japanese
lollita outfit inside and a ball-gagged staff preparing Super
Soakers. Everyone climaxed then resumed to work.

The boss’s after party started slow with several
unpopped bubble wrap sheets in the fridge, and Martha
Stewart invited guest Daikichi Amano onto the show
where she devoured him and resumed blabbering: “‘1000
earthworms’ [is] an old saying that describes the sensation
inside a rare type of vagina […]. [The] caesar salad
[costume] […] maybe […] originated […] [from] a horny
fisherman who decided to rub fishing bait on his [censored]!
Earthworms are said to swell a [censored] […] but Caesar
Salad Baby […] wanted to be a pie. […] All these beautiful
costumes are […] stuffed inside […] a vagina, being snow-
balled and coiled around […].” The party got bouncing when
the buckets of Crispin Glover’s coffee cup residuals came
in for the chippendales to dip on.

(…) Coat, I’m home,” announced Bret, placing his dead wife
on the coat rack. At pee time, he brought out his best bed.

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