The Rising Unemployment Rate

Lo Jo, C.E.O. fires her ceiling fan who retaliates by blowing
her to Mt. Doom. There, slopes grumble like nursing home
residents slapped simultaneously during Bingo. A whistle-
blower blows a balloon that pops loudly like a .44 Magnum.
Nurse Jenny gets hit, yet survives due to her body armor.

Small business owner Emanuel Jenkins fires his gender, thus
receiving a French manicure. The fumes burn his eyes like two
kittens in an oven at China Wok. A downsizing-related quarrel
breaks out between the dinnerware and the floor, resulting in
a bleeding foot parade.

SeƱor Tucan files for unemployment but gets disqualified for
not being human. Devastated, he severs his wings, opens his
first story window, and plunges to his death like a quadriplegic
pool diver. The splash hits Lo Jo and her Wall Street Journal,
peeving her so that she mails Gravity a death threat.

Making best of his job loss, Paul Carruthers plays a dog-on-
a-leash that whimpers behind China Wok, but the pound
captures him like a Chess strategist. The king signs the bill
halting unemployment benefits in exchange for legalized child
trafficking, yet the jobless rate continues to rise.

The Horseshoe Loses Its Stake

She quarrels over sandcastles thought to be indestructible,
walks bare as to keep her rare slippers under glass display,
takes six hungry days for a single-day morsel on china plate,
misses a finch’s flight over a troublesome window smudge,
places belligerent bets over a game of hide-and-go-seek,
severs the serpent’s head, dissolving an embodied wisdom,
succumbs to heat stroke while constructing a storm cellar.

At least the coffin was prepaid.


She dumps a worm bucket on his head; so he catches a Marlin with that bait; so she swallows the prize whole; so he feeds a thousand birdlings her vomit; so she charges a plucked feather per ounce; so he earns a profit double charging; so she throws her throwing knife; so he slices a pear from her pierced pear tree; so she calls a beaver for its removal; so he convinces him otherwise over a poker game; so she stands cross-armed on the table; so they slide single bills under her garter belt; so she exposes her penis; so they buy her two drinks

Prescribing Guests Dishwashing Liquid

The swat team kicks the door in to find Yves Klein’s
1957 exhibition of an empty room called The Surface
and Volumes of Invisible Pictorial Sensibility.


The swat team kicks the door in to kick the door in
to find “[…] 25 Snow Whites after ‘monster parents’
bullied officials into admitting that it was not fair
to have just one kid in the title role.” (I am not sure
though if the swat team is several people or one person
moving really fast like “French train named V-150 […]
[that] broke the world speed record for trains on
rails […] [with] an astounding speed of 515 km/h
(356 mph).”)

Klein explains, “the duality of the um in um um when
um of um before post-modern um is um of um trans-
figured in um, but the existence transcendental in […].”
(I am not sure if Klein is naked or if I’m horny right now,
but he makes an attractive Volkswagen Beetle, for I am
“57-year[s young and an] American from Washington
state who claims […] he has had ‘sex’ with 1,000 cars


Park Limited & Better

She strolls to a qualified park where she accepts a limited time
offer, risk-free batch of ducklings, hot clouds, a breeze, hassle-
free bird chirps, larger than life originals of oak leaves, ready-
to-use benches, and free sunshine, gravity, and splash sounds.

The turtle (approved and as seen on TV) demands she enjoys
the Satisfaction Guaranteed. There is no other choice; she is
to be directly satisfied with dreams that come true, with every-
thing provided: flexibility, fundamentals, secrets, and wisdom.

Join the winner! Her lucky day is now! She takes home a life-
time of shakes (no more pesky calm!), fast-responding tempests,
new rabid raccoons, universal invasion of privacy, quicker aging,
easy heartbreak, long term mosquitoes, playful sexual predators,
magnified sunlight (yes! No more sticky sunblock!), smart viruses,
free mother-approved child-trafficking, secure imprisonment,
creative sadism, and fool-proof suicide prevention while supplies