The Hangman

The hangman was threatening to hang himself. The townspeople saw this and quickly called for the sheriff of the little town, but the sheriff had locked herself behind bars.

She called the locksmith, but then a second later, her cellmate answered. The locksmith was the cellmate, stripped of any tools. The other officers were out at a K-9 tail-chasing contest. Eventually, the sheriff had her momentary cellmate order a pizza.

By the time the delivery man arrived, the pizza box was empty. When questioned, the delivery man only stated that the pizza was his last meal.

The delivery man was escorted to the gallows by two of the town’s finest harlots. The hangman was there waiting. The news crews were already filming each other, and the townspeople were waging war against themselves. Birds flew amuck. A wind conjured a vacuum. The two harlots pleasured themselves. At the cue to the priest blessing himself with a dry altar vessel, the hangman hung himself.

The hangman entered a barren room. He was lured by the makeup mirror lined with bulbs of blinding white. Inside was a hall of mirrors moving to and fro like a train. A passenger with a crooked neck gazed out a window that kept disappearing just as quickly as it was reappearing.

UNS 3201

Peggy Twolegs sat in her Unspecified course when she noticed Professor Chandler’s one working eyebrow and his other on welfare. This detail was not on the syllabus, but on fire.

Immediately, the sprinkler system shot out along a nearby landscape, which was the very location the classmates daydreamed to. There, Professor Chandler began believing—believing over fountains, statues, and hand rails without a helmet, occasionally stopping to hint at final exam material. In the back, Michael Longbong raised his hand, but too far, for it detached and floated out into the horizon like a lost balloon with a sad, pathetic face. Professor Chandler was impressed, though he knew not at what, for being occasionally impressed was protocol for all professors. On top of that, he was responsible for nothing else, which frustrated him so, that he flung nothing else at his desk, cracking it.

Then suddenly, authorities blew up the wall and stormed in to arrest Michael on the grounds of littering with the intention of asking questions. The grounds, however, shook back in a temper tantrum, burying the evidence. This continued till Peggy fed chocolate milk into its crevices.

After a tremendous belch, the grounds opened up a secret passage with a suit-clad door person. The IDs were evaluated and the class entered, inexplicably already in ritual cloaks. Professor Chandler lit a maple torch, lighting a descending stairway, but only as a mime. Needless to say, the students witnessed nothing, spawning a riot. The rioters jumped into their riot gear, but found no riots.

Peggy crawled under the desk to search for the words that wrote her pencil, but lost her way. She crawled into a tunnel, which appeared to be her own ear canal, for she heard herself within herself.

Meanwhile, Professor Chandler forgot how to move, so he let the class move around him, resulting in a concussion.

The ambulance arrived, but without personnel. Three thoroughbreds, however, stormed out with number 3 immediately taking the lead over 6 and 7. Peggy clenched her glass teeth, having placed bids on 5, which was in fact herself falling rapidly behind. At this point, Professor Chandler’s dead weight had become unbearable, so she lowered him into a pit of cobras.

By the time Peggy had returned to class, Professor Chandler was already collecting pop quizzes. To make an A, the quizzes had to be folded into airplanes and flown into a ring of fire. Surviving passengers were seated in the waiting lounge for the next available departure. Over the intercom, Receptionist Chandler announced the boarding of First Class.

Soon after, a few students departed into luxury hearses. The remainder drowned in laughter, having been in on the ploy, but also in a tickling tsunami. Game over.
Two quarters dropped into Professor Chandler’s tip jar, reanimating the characters. Peggy sat in her class, forgetting whether she was on the toilet or on probation. The professor appeared to be either a janitor or a cop. After a group debate, the class decided on janitor. Consequently, Janitor Chandler cleaned his act and clocked out.

By the time he arrived home, the class had already eaten Mrs. Chandler’s roasted bones. The cleaning process was on the final exam. The class, submitting to sleep, assembled into each other like a pack of cigarettes.

The following morning, they went out to cause cancer. In repentance, the class congregated to a nearby church. There, Reverend Chandler preached over pews, the pulpit, and the alter until he fell into a deep depression. In a collective effort, the class undressed and put together a fabric ladder to throw down.

Suddenly, the watchtower lights emerged to foil the conspiracy. Inmate Chandler was transferred to a new classroom, where the students wore mandatory tricks up their sleeves. Peggy stepped out to the restroom inside her pants. There, bullies humiliated Michael over rumors that he was a fictional character.

By the time Peggy returned, Professor Chandler had already died and was part of an open casket ceremony. A substitute teacher was called to the scene with substitute hair made of linguini. Her name was Professor Chandler False. She kept a scarf to wipe the dribbles of clam sauce from her cheek. Her assignment that day involved class dismissal. But Peggy and Michael, after exiting, were perplexed, so they re-entered seeking guidance, only to find a janitor’s closet full of cobwebs that weaved spiders.

There, the two had sex, yet without touching nor arousing each other. Professor Chandler False took notes.

The following morning, the three awoke to a sleeping rooster whom regressed back to an egg, which then fell and cracked the floor. In lieu of this, Professor Chandler False distributed the final exam, which consisted of 50 questions, all optional. Peggy, however, had forgotten whether to answer the door or the telephone. The majority shaded in bubble C for the telephone. On the line was a bill collector whom knew the whereabouts of the night slippers. One by one, the students discovered theirs, beneath their own feet. The ground then walked the students out of UNS 3201, where they fell out of context.

A Hundred and Forwards

before the entrance though. Birthing the newborn because reason is. Peacefully the way it is the question? So she to the grape’s desire in the embers. Then an afterthought to the next other. Stop! An obstacle, but fear in the owl’s eyes. The atheist Lord when hanging the hangman. The drowning fish like a twin in comparison to her double. Meanwhile, the present during a cuckoo clock when the time is now. Enough! Method adapts to stability in order to sustain equilibrium. In consequintensentialligaterrain, the devoured jaws. The teacher wearing a dunce hat ever after, but the buried mortician in the end. A beginning

The Wolf

There once lived a little girl. One day, her mother made her a little red riding hood, but then threw it into the fireplace because nothing lasts forever.

On another occasion, the mother made a cake for the little girl to deliver to her grandmother, but the mother ate it completely.

Nevertheless, the little girl set out to see her grandmother.

During the way, she encountered a wolf who asked for her passport.

“And what is your destination?” asked the wolf, matching the passport’s picture to her face.

The girl answered, “I am going to my grandmother’s house, the second house in the upcoming village going east.”

He wanted to eat her right away, but the supervisor was on her way from break, and he did not want to get fired. So he ate the little girl anyway.

Shortly after, the wolf arrived at the grandmother’s door, knocking.

Nobody answered, so he let himself in. There was not a soul or piece of furniture in sight.