Seven Casual Simultaneous Occurances

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1. So you’re walking your banana when a pirate ship flies by without a turning signal. If the duck stays the same, how many barrels of vinegar will it take to burn the American flag?

2. So you’re climbing a tree without a bicycle and a Walmart associate asks for a price check. Do you change into another pair of dive fins or continue teaching a classroom of elephants?

3. So you’re on the loo. Why is there a homeless man on the corner watching?

4. So you’re stuffing a Beanie Baby with tater tots when the phone rings in your stomach. A golfer swings his club at a watermelon till a garden gnome loses his fishing license. What is the chance of rain?

5. So you’re snacking on a newspaper when suddenly the light turns off. You tell yourself to quit it and turn the light back on. Do you comply?

6. So you’re riding a horse with no legs when a tidal wave knocks the baguette from your holster. Do you call customer service and hang up or bury a Happy Meal toy in your neighbor’s yard?

7. So you’re explaining a differential equation to a ferret when a werewolf knocks on your door. You open the door and tell him he doesn’t exist and shut the door in his face. Where was the loofah?